This morning, we are gathered here to bid farewell to my mother. Our lives are shaped and moulded by various events took place and by circumstance into which we are born, and it rings bell more true for anyone who were born in her generation: her life marred with tragic events happened in Korea and in her personal life caused great suffering that no one would desire. Nevertheless, if you are a man and woman with common sense, you would not avoid listening to her story because there is so much we want to listen to her story: we renew ourselves to draw lessons from her: we want to find a reference point in our lives and in our history as a citizen and as an immigrant. A person said that young people do not understand the hardships and sufferings that the older generation went through. I, myself, in young generation with respect to my Mom, and has not clear understanding what my Mom's generation had to go through, born after the war and never had lived under Japanese occupation. Nevertheless, I listened to stories how the country and the people had suffered from all sorts of turmoils. We can not avoid suffering in our lives, and I think it is important to listen to anyone's story of suffering. She lived through such tumultuous time in Korean history as a woman. She was born in Korea during the Japanese occupation. She was not allowed to speak and write in Korean at school. She started learning to write in Korean- after Japan surrendered as a result of dropping two atomic bombs in Japan- in her middle school. Then the war broke out..that was just about the beginning of a long tumultuous time lied ahead, but she endured all the hardships all along the way as a woman. She advocated woman's right to her friends and to neighbors saying that woman need to have her own occupation and have her own financial independence to raise a family. She was a little giant lived among us. She demonstrated two key elements in character that I will be in awe for a long time, that is her willingness to sacrifice for her family and her indomitable will to survive. The womanhood was still hard; having to follow mores of the society instilled on women, having to have will to survive with resilience and perseverance that were asked for every woman in hard time of her generation. What was a chance of living a happy life for anyone who were born in a country torn by war and being colonized, one in a thousand probably? Everyone has his or her own story to tell in her generation. The sad memories of her time is not too distant even to us sending shrills down to our spines.. That deep scars that the history have left in hearts of the every women remained throughout their lives, and the echo of their pain reverb in our ears.
And here we are again to listen to another story of her generation, from a life of a woman who went through the time. Their sorrows, pains, hopelessness, and courage and fine qualities that she demonstrated in midst of their hardships. This is what I know as her son:
My mother was born in Mapo, Korea, as a 서율 토박이, 1932, at the time when old were interwoven deeper than new, she was a beloved child of a family. Her mother, being a dress maker, dressed her well on every holiday occasion with beautiful Hanbok. She must have been like her granddaughters, a very talented and cute; she was very good with sewing machine and knitting. A Singer sewing machine has been her long time companion all throughout her life, and her knitted wool sweater was my favorite thing to wear in cold winter. She was an honor student and she won a prize for not skipping a day in school. The prize is meaningful in a sense that, for six years taking more than two hours each way, she commuted to the school changing two buses, first at Sodaemun, second at Eulziro 6 Ga going to WangshipRi. Getting off at the bus stop, she then walked for 20 minutes to her school. In winter times, the bitter cold poked needles on her face. Like all woman of her generation, she was a deeply family oriented person. Her dedication to herself and to her family shown throughout her life was beyond any measure. For instance, there were times when North Korean soldiers coming after young men hiding searching door to door. The men found were taken to the communist army, but she safeguarded his brothers hiding them and bringing food to them for six months. It was a horrible time. Routinely, she walked 8 miles from Anyang to Mapo carrying a heavy bad of rice on her head in order to feed his brothers. Once, she carried a sewing machine in order to exchange it with rice taking all day long. Can you imagine walking the distance carrying such heavy thing on your back? Once, I was in a grievous danger when a pea got stuck in my throat, her motherly instinct saved me: poking her finger down to my throat to unblock out of the passage in her desperation. I would have died on that day chocking. I can imagine her helping her mother doing chores and cooking for the family. She knitted to late at night waiting for her husband to come, and sound of her sewing machine running was often playing lullaby to my ears. Not only she dedicated herself to her Maiden family, but also to the family she married into as a good mother, good wife and good daughter-in-law. She could have been easily found to be a good member of family and welcomed as a hero, for instance, saving my life, giving love and care to her younger brother who lost his parents over the war and became an orphan. She would have been found easily as a jewel of the family in modern time, but things did not correlated well; she had not been much appreciated by the people around her. She demonstrated all the good qualities as a woman of her generation, following rules with unyielding endurance as an educated woman, yet the people were dissatisfied with her, being blind-sided by their lack of maturity and ignorance. To the plant, she was a cactus living in a barren desert, and to animal, she was an elephant who traveled far looking for food and shelter for her family. The only other thing that I wish my Mom had possessed was a sense of humor. I wish that she had been more playful and taking things easy. Perhaps, it was hard because her life had been already painful born into a country occupied by Japan, and then a war broke out at her tender age 18. Taking a look at the pictures taken with my Mom dressed in beautiful Hanbok in her childhood or impeccably worn high school uniform, a moment of thoughts would pass across my mid thinking how these seemingly happy moments eclipse only momentarily the hard life that she had to endure during tumultuous chapter in Korean history. It is something to look closely into for every man and woman of her generation, of their lives that had been torn by war and smitten in poverty. Marrying to my father who was an eldest son of a large family further deepened her hardship taking part of brunt of her responsibilities as his wife. When I was dating in Korea in 1990, and attribute of being eldest son of a family would still make the man not a favored bachaular for a woman to marry with. As someone said to me, ?\"Your mom is the last woman of Chosen Dynasty." In fact, she was born in 1932. There maybe last thing in each women's generation, but the pain of her generation would not be forgotten. A composer would have thrown a peaceful melody or rest marks at this juncture if it had been a musical progression, or a writer would have taken her away to a wonderland if it had been in a fantasy story. The society demanded obedience to elders - that was a virtue, taking car of them daily and dealing with unwelcome criticisms from members of the family when the demands were not met- that persisted for centuries and still was going on string in my Mom's generation! The people who were much older did not accept her well with love and kindness; the people around were arrogant fools, hardheaded with no appreciation for their blessings received because their lack of understanding and comaredry, as bystanders of general inconsiderate mores of the society to women. My mother followed the mores imposed on her, like a soldier serving military duty, following the womanhood dutifully for more than twenty years rain or shine. She mentioned about the ills of the mores time to time, but I could not comprehend much as a boy. After all, she was an educated woman of her time. Once I asked her, "Why you did not make an educated guess about marrying an eldest son of a family?" But it was an easy thing for me to say: marriage was only alternative to most of women at that time until turn of the century and still it was couple of decades ago. She had a critical mind of her own about the society that was lopsided in human rights of women: she mentioned instances of young boys and girls not allowed to talk one another, and her high school friend got kicked out of school after having been found that she met a boy after school. It some like a light years ago that such mores ruled the society, and yet it happened only three quarters of a century ago.
Her life would have been easier had she been politically savvy dealing with people in such environment, but isn't the lack of it we found ourselves in quite often, putting using in conflicts and uneasy relationship with our family members, friends, neighbors, coworkers and other in our modern daily lives too? One of my relatives would argue that her large part of suffering is self-induced, being a sensitive nature and should could have taken things easy, not making a big deal out of it, but it was easy thing to say as a man. When was last time that men in general really pay attention to women and be kind to them? It is not that her second half life was a smooth ride either; countless curved balls were thrown at her; she had to handled each with all her might against all odds, like a tightrope walker walking on a rope 50 feet above ground. My mom is the one who made a bold decision to move out of the country, like a sunflower turning it face toward sun, to start a new life for her family when she was forty years old. She mad a bold decision, and it was an expression of her individuality. We often wonder what in the world her decisiveness and boldness would have come from? Those were her strength that we can not duplicate well. What could we ask for more in a woman of her generation, who dedicated herself to her family nurturing her children and keeping her brothers safe and alive? How could characterize the modern woman nowadays? What is characteristics of a successful woman nowadays? She handled all the consequences of her decisions, good or bad. She stepped into the uncharted land. Hoer decision coming to the U.S. led to my uncle have a new house that my family used to live. Her reaching the decision created a new dynamics, solving problems for may relatives. I have worked in may high tech start-up companies, and my Mom demonstrated may traits making the companies to succeed and thrive, which at the hallmark of the companies: weight risks, taking risks, taking measures, endurance, perseverance and etc. This woman saved her brothers, her children, parents-in-laws, brothers-in-law and other relatives back in Korea working hard every day, even on weekends. Her children are not here by themselves, it is through her hard sacrifices and insurmountable loneliness that she lived through that she made we are here today. Korea has its societal mores that demanded obedience, patience, airing personality in womanhood; a culture that demanded sacrifices to women dedicating to family raising kids and taking care of husband; she handled them all like a soldier at a war front. The burden fell much much bigger on her plate than others. The thing is that it was always her plate was much bigger! Her sacrifices touched so many lives in the family. As her son, I would say that if there had been a committee for Confucian mores which award its citizen, should would have won a dozen medals. Our suffering from out lack of maturity, shortcomings and imperfections were lessened because of her endurance and bold actions taken. Her unyielding will to survive; she made many people fell at her feet, affecting so many lives positively. She lived like a true general with a bunch of people pretending to be general, yet in real, they followed and took orders from her instead. She lived her life demonstrating WILLS TO SURVIVE taking responsibilities against all odds and chaos given its politically, economically very crude and harsh environments. She won 개근상 in her high school, which demonstrates her characters, such traits of dedication carries on so may facets in her life; she never dosed off reaching the final destination, displaying epitome of motherhood, sisterhood, and brotherhood that Koreans would put high esteem, yet so many people fail short in reality. Her life mostly revolved around her family, but she is a hero of her generation, a pioneer and a trail blazer. Nobody would carry such burden like her nowadays. We don't live as a big family any more, out family units have gotten much smaller...it's a new paradigm. The society can not demand much to people in old ways; whether they should marry or lead a certain life style. The people have much more rights as individual and freedom. She transplanted us to a new place to grow freely. It's now our turn to make ourselves and out next generations to grow more freely and happily, but we will never realize our happiness unless we are aware of the immense sacrifices that she made for us. There is no doubt that a dozen blockbuster K-drama can be made out of her life story. We will always fall short of understanding how the sacrifices that our forbearers have made transforming us, and that's how we become arrogant fools! In light of her sacrifices, our achievement to make better society and better human being fall far too short! After all we all have our own weakness, maybe her weakness largely due to circumstantial due to loss of parents, but very few people can ride high against all odds. The sacrifices that she made for us was epitome of her generations as a mother and a woman.
I have seen glimpses of her life, and I am an agent linking between her generation and the new generation in the family. A girl grew up in Ma-po, Seoul, Korea has demonstrated qualities that made Korea to be proud of themselves in modern age; making our lives turn, turn, turn; she did it all in her own way given the situation. Thank you very much, Mom, for all your sacrifices that you've made for us. You're a champion, undoubtedly a hero of your generation. The sewing machine that you gave me works well. RIP, Mother.
